Losing end

October 1, 2009 · Filed under Mga Drama Lang

I sit here watching him from afar. There are a lot of people coming to greet him. I guess he’s gotten so famous the last few days. I was actually beside him just a few minutes ago but he kept on ignoring me. He wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even look at me. I kept on talking, I could have delivered a thousand words in ten languages but he didn’t mind. He was simply quiet and his eyes were closed. I smiled at him but he did not smile back. He was so snob. So here I am, emotionally battered, watching him. 

I was talking to him before I decided to stay in this corner and grab the computer. I had a lot of questions to ask him but he decided not to give me any reply. Maybe he thought I would find the answers from someone else. Maybe other people would care to explain what really happened. Because he didn’t care to give me an explanation and it’s killing me. 

I wanted to crack some jokes and hear him laugh again like how he used to. I longed for the times when he would mess my hair and pat me on the head when I cracked the corniest joke ever. But he would laugh just the same.  I wanted to tell him about my life at work, how I am struggling to get by each day and I’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate to give his precious pieces of advice just to keep me going. 

I wanted to tell him that I found a very nice cell phone in the mall –a high end one- and I wondered if he would buy it for me this time. I remember all the cell phones he had brought me home when he was abroad, not even one was working! He said some technicians would get them fixed but no one did. But that’s fine, he bought one for me which was actually a bit nicer than those from abroad. He had given me a lot of things even if they were just out of my whim to make me happy. 

I remember as well when he used to drive me from his place to my house and vice versa. I would ride in his red van with tinted glass windows like I was under the Witness Protection Program and we would laugh about it. It’s still fresh how he protected me from everything which might hurt me like he was my own father. He bought a gun and carried it with himself all the time he was with me. He said he would not give it a second thought to pull the trigger right before someone’s finger lay on my skin. I wonder if he remembers those right now or maybe he just doesn’t care at all. 

It seems like he doesn’t remember anything anymore. Is he still aware that we share the same last name because we came from the same family? Does he know that I miss him? Does he know that the past days I didn’t do anything but to shed tears for him? 

A few hours from now he would be six feet under the ground and I’ll never see him again. Even if I was insane enough to dig him out of there, nothing would change. We would never laugh together again, never share advice and I’ll never get that sweet painful spank from him when I do wrong. 

You, typhoon Ondoy, you are the worst thing that happened to someone’s life. You have left a lot of lives shattered. You have made the whole nation cry in pain and in loss. You have made someone so desolate and incomplete. You’d never ever and I’d never ever get someone back from the grave and for that I wish I could tell you how it sucks to be hit by you and be caressed by your deathly blow. I wish everyone who has been in pain because of you will find it easier to move on and start anew. I wish.

01oct09